Weddings Galore! Shit Yeah.

Before we dive in to the present, let's head back to the past. These are some photos that I got sent from the Chicago wedding two weeks ago. Totes awes.

 

The Dream Team.

 

HSCO in the house!

 

Another weekend, another wedding. 50's, Danny Tanner, Beak, Cam, Jeff and myself all pile into 50's Parents' Chevy Suburban and head off to Detroit for our friends Ryan and Angela's wedding.

 

This Suburban comes fully equipped with DVD player and wireless headphones. Jeff and I dive straight into some Sopranos and the time flies by.

We are accompanied by some beautiful midwestern fall landscapes. Totes awes.

 

 

Wisconsin sunsets. 12 hours after our adventure begins, at apprx 4AM EST we arrive in Detroit and are taken aback instantly by the hollowed-out bomb sheltered corpse grime steeze of D-Town. We shell out $40 bucks to park for 30 hours and head straight to our hotel room, where we heroically take down a case of beer in an hour and a half. Needless to say we sleep soundly.

 

Fast forward to the next afternoon, where we meet up with the wedding party around 2:00pm and head over to the reception site on a tiny bus. The bus may be tiny, but it is fully equipped with champange, party lazers (as if there is any other kind of lazers), and a driver named Gary who is unfortunately missing his sense of direction.

 

The wedding is totally outside in front of a sweet fountain featuring lions, weird babies, fish and turtles, all of whom are shooting water out of their mouths like they're continuously projectile-vomiting. Totes weird but awesome at the same time.

This is the fastest wedding I've ever been too. Short and sweet, 10 minutes would be a generous estimate.

 

The road weary family.

 

Cam suggests we get into some Glenlivet, I'm down by default, I have a cold. Two fingers please. Thank you good sirs, or madam.

 

50's checks out some boobs, Danielle is insulted. Watch out dude, she might law suit you.

Beak tries to tell Cam some things in the background.

 

 

Beers and Cocktails a plenty. Open bar again! Thank you, I just might have another.

 

One of the strangest photos, compositionally, this blog has ever seen. I'm sorry Ryan or Angela if this may or may not be your grandpa way in the background, but this guy loves getting wasted and harassing the bartender. I saw him go behind the bar and get his own drink about a million times. He wins for being the most wasted at your wedding.

FYI, Party Phil mugs in the foreground.

Sun smiles.

 

Everything is free!

 

Even the food.

 

The "new" Allens have a analog blog and they want us to leave them a note, for their rememberances. We oblige.

The Groom is also a DJ and that wall is also a sonogram. Do you see the baby in there?

 

Detroit never looked so beautiful. Seriously. It normally looks like a hobo shantywon.

 

All jokes aside, this building which used to be a casino is where the reception was held, totally beautiful and full of granite and marble.

First dances and last chances.

 

It's still early yet, so no one's quite at the break-through point for drunkenness. So we try to pretend what it will be like when we finally have pushed through to the promised land.

 

 

Now it's time for the dance party and we're all feeling ready. 50's and Cam are feeling it.

 

Let me introduce you to my new friend the The Durgler. Beware, you might get Durglarized™, Believe that!

Glasses rule this party.

 

Dancing also rules.

 

Mike from New York and his lady friend. In about 2 hours these guys will end up making out in the party bus while grossing out everyone around them. There should be a warning for dirty dancing.

No tie, tie. Very essential for dance floor getting downs.

Meg Durglar. Oh no, un uh.

If she said we partied, them I'm pretty sure we partied...

This girl has huge boobers.

This girl has lost her folks.

 

These folks have lost their minds.

 

So my friend The Durgler™ decides I need a new nickname that sticks. For the first time ever may I introduce myself as Flasky, later known as Flatchy for obvious reasons.

 

Getting Durglarized usually means hearing some sweet freestylez. "Yo, wake up and check my inbox at gmail.com/got a note from my dead mom"

 

Our bartender, a gracious host, and Waff Allen's new best friend.

FFlash forward about 1.75 hours. We go back to the hotel bar and have a hotel party!! Just like R Kelly once said. There are some weird characters in here, but that's okay because the wedding party pretty much takes up the whole room.

 

The Durgan's show up ready and ragin'.

 

The Beautiful Bride

 

And... The Hansome Groom.

 

The Greatest man ever, Brad Allen, the grooms father is totally down. He's only had 4 Vicodin's and about 7 Rum Drinks. Who's Ready? We're Ready!

 

So Sultry.

 

In Chicago they have Old Style "Cubby cans." In Detroit they have Budweiser aluminum "Tiger bottles."

 

Beak takes everyone in the bar on for some good old fashioned arm wrestling.

 

Beak is a killer.

 

Success!

An Engagement, A Wedding & A Birthday

Where do I begin? So much to talk about, so little time.

We'll start with Caylie getting an awesome new kitten! Totally cute cats rule. She brings it over to Beak and Cam's backyard rager the same night she gets it. Beak and Cam are having a fire in their new plastic/bronze (the material is debatable according to some) fire pit and the cat is down. She parties all night.

 

The new kitten fits perfectly in Jeff's hole and melts right into his heart. We try and think of names. We come up with some sweet ones, but Caylie decides on Cous Cous. I suggest Minute Rice, Jeff suggests Uncle Ben's. She's not having any of it.

 

The party crew is ready. There's no shortage of wood around these parts. That's what she said.

 

JC looks completely crazed here.

 

 

50's shows off his newly sliced finger. He accidentally cut it to the bone with a chop saw, requiring 6 stiches at a St. Cloud Hospital - they charge him $25 for a bandage. Totes not cool.

 

Fast Forward to the next day -- check out the rock! Beak and Cam get engaged! He pops the question to Cam Sunday afternoon after having Bloody Marys down at Gabby's on the River. She of couse says yes and the couple invites us all over for Goldschlager shots and Champagne to celebrate. I am stoked to say the least.

 

Beak will be asking Tony Dungy to be the best man. Because of his Quiet Strength, of course.

Ring Shots.

 

Yes!

 

Champagne drinks. Yes. Yes!

 

Fastforward again. Friday night - Jeff, Aaron, Matt, Cam and myself head to Chicago to celebrate the wedding of our good friends Bob and Urs! We get into town a night before the wedding but barely make it in time for bar close. We belly up and have whiskey shots and pbr's. So far so good.

We head over to Joel's house. I guess he has a moustache this night but I don't remember it. These guys love playing dice games and betting dollar bills.

 

We find a little bit of tape and make a weak attempt at beer sabers.

Jeff breaks a chair and we think it's really funny. He insists that he didn't break the chair and that it was broken when he got there.

Me and Cam saber away in the corner.

 

Next Morning, Wedding Day. We head over to the wedding site, Logan Square Auditorium, which is an old concert venue in Chicago. It's the perfect place to have a wedding. The decorations are just like the set of a Wes Anderson movie.

 

Kisses and Confetti, the Beach Boys "Wouldn't it Be Nice" blares to the cheering masses. Full disclousure: this photo was taken by a quasi-asshole from New York named Ian.

 

So this is us dressed up, minus me. We are looking sharp. Oh, did I mention this party comes with a unlimted supply of beers, booze, champagne, shots, and it's all free. Photo shots begin to get blurry starting now.

 

Choclate wedding cakes with chocolate brides and grooms.

Ian is serious, serious about getting wasted.

 

Bride champagne slammer-bammers.

 

There are a few things that can measure the success of a wedding. At the top of this list is when dudes start putting ties around their heads and dancing the can-can. When this happens you know that the night is a success without a doubt.

Beak's utterly confused by the dance.

We look awesome. Champagne stained dresses and shirts.

 

Wedding cake with pink flowers.

 

These guys just got married in a gay way.

 

 

What is going on with Beaks face? Unreal.

 

50's applies pink flowers to my eyeball.

Post-wedding train rides back to Joel's.

 

Cam gets her hand caught in a bear trap that was hiding in her purse. Joel laughs because he was the one who set the trap.

 

Sure, sure, absolutely.

 

Beak whispers sweet nothings. It is safe to say that everyone is feeling a little fuzzy. The rest of that night is a blur. We head home the next day, having fallen further in love with Chicago.

Now things are getting current. This was Saturday, as in just a few days ago. Jeff's real brother Erik is in town with his girlfriend Jen and they're hanging out with their friends at a bar, we join them. BTW we're drinking beer out of malt glasses, not really my style. It freaks me out.

 

We hang out at that other bar for awhile and then head over to the Yacht Club for Ripplechip's birthday. He just spent the past few days in Las Vegas with Colez celebrating. Now he's at the YC celebrating with us, and let me tell you he is seriously soaked.

 

BTF and Jaws are there hanging out too!

 

Blestos joins the party with his new motorcycle jacket. It goes perfectly with his new motorcycle. He's a tough guy now so watch out.

This is the look of a wasted man.

Choke holds.

Erik is cold so Jeff gives him his sweatshirt. Brotherly love.

Erik wants to wear the sunglasses.

 

Jen does too, you guys are looking good. So that's all for now. Stay tuned as the following things lay ahead: a wedding in Detroit, a possible cabin weekend in Northern Minnesota and Jeff's birthday rager.