Wam Bam Thank You Cam!

Imagine that it's the end of August.

We take a Saturday night and go out to celebrate Cam's upcoming nuptialz to Lazerbeak. We try to steer away from the cliche gag gifts but a few can't be resisted, as seen in the above photo. Cam has to wear a donger shot cup around her neck and a "Bite-For-A-Buck" t-shirt that has Lifesavers sewn all over it. If you haven't seen this gag before I'm sure you can imagine what happens. Also, did I mention, we were escorted around all night in a limo, I've never been in one before... it was pretty amazing. If by amazing you mean expensive and drunken.

 

We go to the Vegas Lounge in Northeast. This asshole's name is Tim, whom we just meant. He pays for and eats all of the Lifesavers off Cam's shirt, asks Coles on on a date (seen here) and sticks his tongue in my ear. Gross.

 

Later in the night the limo takes us over to 50's house where we meet up with the boys who have been out a bachelor party with Beak. During Beak's night he was given a list of things he had to do in order to receive his epic "Lazerbeak" robe. The list included: Asking a girl for her phone number and then upon receivng the number tearing it up in front of her face, high fiving everyone in the bar, drinking alone in the corner of a bathroom while strangers came in and out, while peeing in a bathroom he had to yell "I piss blood" in the style of DMX, etc. He also had to endure a session of PowerShots which involved taking a shot of beer every 10 seconds for a full minute, which resulted in him puking outside of the Yacht Club and then coming back for more.

He also impregnated 12 women.

 

In anticipation of our friends' upcoming wedding, Matt, Jeff and I decided to make the next Aaron Mader Tribute Band EP as a gift in honor of them. I have embedded the single "Sexual Accounting" below.

 

Little known fact: Beak and Cam have an intense and irregular love of hot tubs, which iswhy it didn't seem like a dumb idea at all when JC proposed that everyone pitch in and buy Beak and Cam a hot tub for their wedding present. 50's made this awesome drawing to give to them along with the hot tub. Yes, that is Hall and Oates.

 

Fast forward, wedding day! No, not Liz's wedding day, Cam's. Here Liz shows us the proper way to wear a veil.

 

Here is the shot of everyone making funny weird faces on the camera guy's request. As if this ever wouldn't look forced.

 

The ceremony ruled and featured an ELO song. Here I am doing some post-wedding baby showing off. Beak and Cam have invited a lot of our friends from out of town to this wedding and we get to show Finn off to everyone. He's wearing a dope-ass tuxedo onesie and making weird faces.

 

Bob, Urs and Katrina check out the goods (i.e. Finn, our baby).

 

Throughout the night I tell McTubbins that he looks very dapper, and he does, agreed?

 

Bob wants to know what it's like to be me and Zach wants to know what it's like to be Jeff.

 

12 of us take a limo built for 6 on a very scenic route to the reception in Saint Paul. Leg cramps were involved.

 

Matt, Jeff and Beak cram in.

 

Liz sits on my lap.

 

My new photo pose, me always with my mouth wide open. Not sure why I keep thinking this is a good idea.

 

Jeff Allen's Best Man Speech from Alison Allen on Vimeo.

Left: Finn wears his first tuxedo and sleeps while the party rages around him.

Right: Grandma Julie changes Finn into his reception gear, a custom-made Lazerbeak onesie. Both Grandmas are invited to the wedding, which causes some baby turf war riots.

 

These guyses.

 

The Chicago/Iowa delegation.

 

The Detroit delegation.

 

Left: Maybe the craziest photo ever taken. It reminds of a senior photo that Beak once had where his lids are heavy and his eyes roll back into his head, it was pretty unbelievable and incredible.

Right: It's true, brides have to pee too.

 

Tres Generationos.

 

Young Lovers.

 

Old Lovers. Ripplechip makes his best dancing face, though Coles appears unimpressed.

 

Gay Lovers. Allen Brothers from different mothers.

 

When the tie becomes headwear you know you've had a good wedding. But we've already talked about this before.

 

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Wedding Dance Dance Revolution from Alison Allen on Vimeo

 

We supply the afterparty, and might I mention that it will be the last party ever to be had at our loft -- we move out into a house in Minneapolis 2 weeks after the wedding.

My dad is a hero and goes to buy us 3 more cases of beer, making the grand total 7 cases plus a cooler full of budweiser's that Greg hauls over later in the evening.

 

Mike Deuhs, Jeremy, Katie, JC and Rippy. How many people can you fit on your couch?

 

Cecil Ocho and Rhinosnacks prove the chair can hold at least 2.

 

Rory, MJ and LJ.

 

I know that I've been a parties in the past where all the beer has been drank and a few brave souls have gone through the wreckage to find sacred "half beers," but I've never been to a party where all the "half beers" are empty beers. I check every can and bottle in the pile and all 7 cases are completely empty.

 

Except for these 4 which I keep cold in the fridge. Secret. Shhh.

Jeff, same photo different year. A retired soldier. Honorably discharged from the party militia.

 

Kate, Mike, 50's (not pictured, and Greg end the party with me. All beers are empty, so we revert to Gin and Tequilla shots. Never a good idea.

 

Post-Script: Jeff and Aaron circa 1994.