Northwest Rage Fest

We leave San Francisco and head through the arid northlands of California. Jordan gets totes masculine behind the wheel.

As the sun goes down, we stop in Redding for the night. Mad wireless internet, pizza, cable TV, shower action takes place at the Howard Johnson.

 

Back up the next morning, up into the redwood forest greenery of Northern Cali and Southern Orego (that's slang for Oregon).

 

The first snow-peaked mountain of the trip.

 

So many easy jokes possible here. Like fish in a barrel.

 

Ice cream monsters.

 

The Koob.

Now is when shit starts to get ridiculous. For real. Matt and Alison begin a photoshop war that lasts days. They takes images of all of us, doctor them, and basically make us look absolutely insane. Here, Alison does a portrait of Jeff and Matt.

 

Alison then creates a painting of Jordan as a demonic, flame-headed lord of the nether realms.

 

Matt counters back with an image of Alison as a confused, hungry, and supersonice powerful tiger ready to eat an exploding hamburder.

 

Here's Beak as ultra-buff and hairy angelic guitar god. Lazerbeak's Lavabangerz.

 

Then he makes one of Jeff as a golden god, shooting out the power of one thousand united hands with his guitar licks. Beautiful women look on in awe.

 

Jordan is a space-age 1980's arcade game devoted to drinking huge gas station cups full of Diet Coke. So fucked.

 

Back in the real world, the sun starts going down as we get to Portland.

 

The venue is the Towne Lounge, a tiny but cool little club in the University area of the city. Volvo runs shit in Portland.

 

A few blocks from the venue is PGE Park, an underground minor league baseball stadium. In front of it are some completely insane baby face sculptures made up metal strips bound together. Jeff explores the insides of this baby's skull.

 

Mischevious boys. A pre-show newspaper and water bottle fight. If we were half-naked women it would be like a Coors Light commercial.

 

You can smoke in bars here.

 

Matt and Alison play around with long exposures in the club. The results are EXPLOSIVE.

 

Our pal from Mpls lives here now, Jamie, and his girlfriend Krista. Jamie likes Lil' Wayne.

 

Our friend Mike from L.A. drives up to Portland for the show and buys us a round of beers. What a guy!

 

The set is sweaty but sweet. Say THAT five times fast.

 

In Seattle the next day, we are walking to the guitar store to get strings and 50's decides to stop and get some fresh blackberries right off the bush. Crazy asshole.

 

Seattle overpasses are ridiculously tall.

 

A pre-show trip to the neighborhood Thai joint near our friend Nick's house. Look at these smug assholes, waiting patiently for their Pad Thai.

 

Right next to the Thai restaurant is a burnt out dock structure right on Lake Union. Everything is burnt to a crisp and melted together, except for this little tiny Christmas tree.

 

More burnt destruction on the lakeshore. Shortly after this photo is taken, a private security crew kicks us out and won't answer us when we ask what happened here.

 

The show is at the Funhouse, right by the Space Needle, and is run by very nice people. It also has an outdoor basketball court.

 

I bet you didn't believe me when I sad the space needle was right across the street, huh. Eat your words, jerk. Stop judging me.

 

Rock rage.

 

We are hanging out with our old pals Nick and Angie, who recently moved to Seattle from Mpls. In the middle is their broseph, Jason. HARDNOX4LYFE.

 

Alison runs into her middle-school friend Heidi. Bro-down sessions commence.

 

After the show, Angie buys us all shots. The nights gets fuzzy from here.

 

Behind the bar they have a vanilla liquer called French Kiss! Yes. Shout outs to Steve and Syd, our boys.

 

Photo booth madness.

 

The bar seems to stay open for us forever. 50's finds a bike, proceeds to ride it around the bar while the staff closes up for the night.

 

Late night after-parties lead to interesting sleeping positions.

 

The next morning, we wake up and Nick takes us to the 5-Point Cafe in downtown Seattle. The food is huge. Jeff approves.

 

Eating is really fun. There was all you can eat hash browns. Shit was out of hand. Bob Adams could get into that.

 

They also had the most amazing appeteizer ever created -- deep-friend macaroni and cheese wedges with marinara sauce for dipping. Kinda like the state fair back home. Question: how do even congeal macaroni and cheese into a wedge shape to begin with? Let alone keep the wedge together and withstand the intense heat of the deep-frying process. Truly a scientific triumph.

 

The whole crew.

 

Stuffed, hungover, tired.

 

Yeah, man. I love 16 Bitch Pile Up's first 10". After that they got a little commercial for my taste.

 

So tired. Jordan finds the perfect light.

 

After a chill off-day in Seattle. We wake up at 5:00 AM to start driving to Fargo for the next show.

 

There is something about moments like this, where you're awake while the rest of the world is asleep, that makes you realize you're doing something fairly cool with your life.

 

Northwestern Pine Forest mazery.

 

In Montana, they love bull's balls. Like, eating them.

 

There is a seriously unhealthy fascination with bulls and their dirty parts in Montana.